Tatler and Vanity Fair

So here's what it is.....I've been on a lovely holiday to Spain and while there read 82% (I'm a Kindle user don't you know) of Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray. It seems to me pretty incredible that I've never read it before as I've got a degree in English and I'm a pretty prolific reader; especially of the classics. But whatever, this one slipped through the net.

The reason I've taken to this blog about it isn't to inform you about the book. If you're read this then you can read it - and if you've got a Kindle then it's free even so there's no excuse - but I will give a short synopsis of what it's all about in case you simply don't want to. It's set in Georgian London around the battle of Waterloo. It's all about how desperate people are to rise in society; the society of that day being all about Lords and Ladies etc. It's about money troubles and relationships, and failures and families. It's great and it got me to thinking about the current state of our aristocracy. HAR HAR, I hear you shout at your screen. What on earth does bumpkin Parrock know about the Upper-Classes? May answer would be that it doesn't matter, I'm still allowed an opinion.

So anyway, off I trotted to Nottingham train station which NEVER has newspapers in the shop and makes me want to kick the bloody stand over which should hold them. But I don't. So instead today I looked at the magazine stand and what did I see.....Tatler magazine. Brilliant I thought (and instantly knew I'd have a blog to write when I arrived in London).

Now I thought I would have to delve deep to find something of interest; but no....On the front page is a beautiful woman with a dark chocolate skin tone in a red Vivienne Westwood dress (how sad is it that I can tell a VW dress just by how it's made). Underneath is written "AT LAST! BRITAIN'S FIRST BLACK MARCHIONESS". I nearly died right there in the shop.

Now you have to give props to Tatler for celebrating the fact but are our richer and betters that far behind the rest of our society? One thing I like about it is that she's mixed-race with a Nigerian father and a Caucasian mother. It makes me feel that them posh-un's are having to ease themselves in gently. I suppose now I'm writing this it doesn't seem that astonishing but it does make me giggle.

I've got to add that I'm not actually that bothered about the aristocracy either way. I think wealth should be spread a bit fairer perhaps but I don't actually care about bringing down all the titles and stuff. I suppose I don't really value them enough to take away from those people who really do. They need them, I don't.

But it's all really good fun to look at and see that this magazine is still clearly affecting that small section of our society's lives. I'll give a brief summary of what else is in Tatler....Helen Mirren's naked boobs.....adverts for stuff you and I will never be able to afford.....Made In Chelsea stars in the buff...... other half dressed models. All that nudity for £4.20. I won't be buying it again.

Old World Leaders

It seems to me that today, if you wanted to get yourself in the news, you had to be old and important. Obviously being important is important but being old is steadily getting more crucial for newsworthiness.

Today's headlines are about poor old Nelson Mandela. He is clearly one of the most significant figures in the history of civil rights and, as far as I'm aware, pretty much overthrew apartheid single-handedly; so at no point am I dissing him. But it seems the world press is on death watch. I hear journalists I've worked with talk about having a journalist on constant death-watch on the Queen. Mandela's got a lung problem. We all know. He's in and out of hospital and I personally feel a bit uncomfortable that every time he comes out or goes in, it's a headline in this country. Doesn't he deserve a bit of privacy?

Another old person who popped up today was the Pope. Good old Pope Frances is going to give us all a good few laughs I reckon. He was in a prison today in Rome WASHING FEET! Amazing. In my head at least there spins a million different conceits and parallels to draw. Firstly, the Pope to me is now trying to be a prostitute to Jesus like Mary Magdalen. It's incredible but I will say that it makes me like him more. I reckon this Pope will be alright.

Old person number 3 is the Queen who was giving out money for Maundy Thursday in Oxford. She always does stuff like that at Easter apparently and you have to say she probably got a lucky pass onto the news because of the strikes by the National Union of Journalists.

Then there was a gaggle of old people. The Turning Rocks are headlining Glasto. It's likely we'll have more news from then when K.Riz jacks up on the Pyramid stage this summer. I've got to say that missing out on a ticket has made me all sad and miserable and I'll probably be spiteful towards anyone who even mentions it.

Death by Barrister

Here we go then. I can't believe I'm sat down again to write this. Today's topic is sexual offenders and their victims. Whey Hey! I hear you scream. This guy really knows what we want to read about. But don't worry, I won't be discussing whether touching up kids is right or wrong, but rather about how our judiciary deals with it. I saw a story in The i newspaper which drew me immediately back to my keyboard.

The article is about Frances Andrade who was abused by her choirmaster as a child. Michael Brewer seems to be pretty much the standard stereotype of that pervert we're coming to recognise in this country. He'd get Mrs Andrade into his office and do whatever he wanted to her. His wife (how the wives get involved always amazes me) also was implicated later on. All this happened to Frances when she was in her teens. But this isn't what is notable about this story, because had she not have died then yours truly, and indeed you, would never have heard of any of it. Anonymity ceases once you're deceased.

In our country all victims of sexual abuse get immediate anonymity. Thank God. It means they won't be afraid to speak out about what has happened to them and means they will speak out to get the perpetrators convicted. Again though, why is this case special? Well, Frances Andrade is dead. She took her own life during the trial of Brewer. The Barrister for Brewer's defence called her a 'liar' and 'fantasist'. It sounds like a Corrie trial to me and ordinary would be expected so that all the evidence comes out and people are challenged on their accusations. 

Now I don't think the barrister is to blame at all, but can you imagine how bad s/he must feel now. It's absolutely the barrister's job to challenge people. We don't want people convicted when the witnesses haven't been asked all the tough questions. The blame (I would think) lies with victim support. I've worked on some stories about victim support as part of my journalism training in recent months and basically, the further you go into the system, the less they care about you. It seemed to me that by the time people get to court they feel completely alone and almost without support. For some cases this isn't an issue but in one like this, where a 48 year old woman who has 4 children is having to drag up memories of being abused and then be attacked for her accusations, then there should be far more support. 

There's that story then, make what you will of what I've written. I've actually known two paedophiles. WOAH! you shout. Let me swiftly clarify. I've never been a victim of abuse but have been in contact with two perpetrators thereof. Firstly, Sean Jennings who was the Choirmaster at Bristol Boy's Choir. Anyone who knows me will know that I had nothing to do with the singing there really but my brother was quite the little Aled Jones. Well Mr Jennings touched up the piano-boy by all accounts and downloaded a load of children porn. Insane init but that was the first one I knew.

The second one I had far more direct contact with. Gerald Sidney, or Major Sidney as he was to me was an officer at the Marine Cadet unit I went to in my teens. This man ALWAYS had a favourite. I was never it but he later got convicted for touching three boys. It's insane I know and I knew even back then that this man, who was the FATTEST, GROSSEST man I've ever known, was a shady type. Major Sidney was a magistrate. I don't have anything more to say on that other than at some point he would have sent people to prison himself. I knew people who stood up in court to testify against him but I haven't ever asked them about it. I wish I had now as I'd like to know whether they got the support that they deserved. We need to make sure they do though.

Next blog will be far more cheery, I promise.

Tits on the NHS

This is it....I'm finally blogging. I have been intending to start some kind of daily contribution for a very long time and incredibly, I am sitting down to do this today. My purpose with this blog is to discuss contemporary issues that have either been in the news or have occurred to me that day. I don't pretend that I will always be factually correct or that others will share my opinion but I'll throw them out there and see what people think.

So to today's topic which has been in the front page of The Sun, is about a woman who got a boob job on the NHS. Poor old Josie Cunningham was so desperate to be like Jordan but simply didn't have the bust. She managed to blag a Doctor to say she needed it and the tax-payer splashed out about £5k to get our aspirational heroine up to a 36DD. The girl is 22 and has two children.

 I must first add before I continue any further that I am pretty much against all kinds of cosmetic surgery for the purposes of beauty. 'Just get on with it' would usually be my response to someone who wanted a nose job. Or perhaps a more likely one would be 'Do you want me to smash it in a bit for you?' I do feel sorry for women with ginormous muzzumbas that get awful back-ache and I'd let them have theirs taken down a size or two on the NHS but this girl having hers enlarged to become a glamour model (gammy-model as I like to call them) is quite ridiculous.

Now I'm going to get a bit serious for a second. I am concerned about how The Sun (Britian's most reputable paper, I'm sure we would all concede) treated this piece of news. They went ramping off about how the tax-payer is paying for all this and I agree....we all do....that it's scandalous. But for me the real issue, and hypocrisy from The Sun, is that our society is permitting and perhaps even forcing a certain demographic into becoming all-consumed with a desire for this lifestyle and ideal: a need to become a barbie and live the 'celeb-life'. It seems mad to me that this paper will paste this woman across their front page and victimise her as a scurge on the public funds when lurking just one sheet, one ply of paper away, is a purky, little, blonde, Manc girl ( Sam) with her bubbly breasts out.

The real issue however for me is that Josie Cunningham is a mother of 2 and would undergo such superficial surgery for her own sake and risk jeopardizing her ability to care for her children. Can you imagine having the responsibility of children and then dumping them off at your Ma's while you go for major, and unnecessary surgery. I know my own mother wouldn't (even now) and I hope yours wouldn't either. To me that is the worst part and watching her video where she plays dumb on The Sun's website you just want to get her some help. But it won't be just her, there's a full generation of them for Britain's favourite redtop to indoctrinate and then demonize. But maybe all this anti-boob-job sentiment I hold is because I don't really like titties and perhaps I should just shut my mouth.

Well there you go. Blog number one. I'll try to do one a day and if you're interested you'll read. I'm off now to watch England play Montenegro; a country dear Josie Cunningham would struggle to spell, let alone locate on a map.